His response, "I don't feel like we are over at all, I want us to carry on. I love you, and have had to find the strength in myself to love me".

Okay, maybe I can give us a little longer.

Email to my husband.

I guess it could be post-holiday, yes I know long weekend, blues. I guess I am just feeling a bit like I am happy with the progress that you are making with yourself. I am happy at the progress that we are making, but I am feeling a bit impatient.

To be honest, I sort of resigned myself to the fact that we were over, especially when you were out 4 or 5 nights a week with your friends. And even after that when you were in the guest bedroom and we were not really interacting. Slowly over time, I began to accept that we were over.

Now that things are going pretty well and we are re-connecting it is messing wiht my head. I am starting to feel uncertain. As much as I hated the idea of us splitting, at least you know where you stand. You have a direction. At the moment, I am feeling a bit sad. I went away and there were a couple of couples hugging and smiling at each other.

It made me feel like I have to go back into the waiting and patient stage. Give you more time to find what makes you happy and for us to re-connect and the waiting is upsetting. Feeling exhausted from the waiting. Don't get defensive and immediately ask if me if I want to give up. That is not what I am saying. Just saying the period of uncertainty we are in again, is hard for me.

Plus, sometimes I just feel like it shouldn't be this hard. Maybe, we shouldn't be together if we need to work this hard at it? Maybe there is someone out there. Someone who can be what you need all the time? Maybe. I certainly don't know.

Anyway, that is my thought for the morning. Maybe it will change in the afternoon. Who can tell? Perhaps, I will be fine with everything and how things are going.
I don't mean that as I am dumping on you. I hope you don't take it that way. I am just being honest.

As for the going away. I think it would be nice to go somewhere and have fun together. I planned something for the weekend after your birthday but still not entirely sure whether you will like it - think you will. But we should plan a proper trip. Somewhere nice and fun. Any ideas? Or places you would like to go???? My preference would be somewhere warm.

My husband and I are going on regularly scheduled dates. Some of them have been mediocre. Last night's was great. He planned the evening and it was a lack of evening's planning that made it fun.

We started at Bond Street and decided to walk to Baker Street in honor of Sir Arthur Conan Doyle's Birthday. As we walked, we stopped to look at buildings with interesting architecture or puzzle over a flag over an Embassy building. "Who's flag is that? Oh, it is Botswana's".

Then I complained of being hungry so we went in Selfridge's Food Hall. We bought pretzels straight from the oven and said yes when the man suggested we put pesto on them. (He was right!)

We then wandered around the shelves and I squealed when I saw things like extra crunchy jif and oreos but then put them back down in disgust when I saw that they were £4.75. In the end, we purchased sauerkraut, crab bisque, and organic hot chocolate.

We walked out and it was pouring with rain. We tried to walk for a while but things were cold and wet. I noticed down a side street a bar I had been to when I first moved to London and my friend came for a visit. Her cousin had us meet him there. I really liked it but never remembered the name or the location. We ducked inside and ordered drinks. I had a 'Allo Sailor.

My husband and I had the best talk. We discussed his control issues, his insecurities, etc. We decided that it would be better for both of us if we opened single back accounts and then justtransferredd the money for the bills and the mortgage into our joint account.

After that discussion, we headed outside and sadly back into the rain. So, we decided that we needed a plan. My husband was heading back to his mate's for the evening so we needed a pub near King's Cross. When we arrived it was nearly empty and we took a seat by the fire. I noticed there was a stack of today's newspapers. We read to each other from the papers and discussed the articles. It was brilliant!

Then we had one more drink and talked about his family, bless them, and their insane ways. We talked about his childhood and coming to some form of acceptance about them. It was a good chat.

Then we walked back to the train station. I had to go one direction and he had to go another so we stood at the barrier and made out. It was great!!

I really really really enjoyed it.

Here is something. My friend, told me to tell him a secret. I said I needed a topic. He said "Insects". At first I thought I had nothing. I mean insects,who has secrets about insects? But then I remembered one.

One of the best nights of my life was when I was 10 years old and I went to my aunt and uncle's house. They had acres of land. At night, my brothers, my cousins and I went outside and there were hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of fireflies. We spent hours chasing them - ducking in and out of bushes trying to sneak up on them. We even got a jar and tried to capture them.

Sometimes I remember that occasion and I wonder if there will ever be a time when I will be around that many fireflies again; where I can just run around and try to catch their tiny lights.

It makes me both happy and sad.

An artist named Richard Sweeney cuts and folds paper to make interesting sculptures. Here is a photo of one. Link to photos on flickr

Link to his website.

Horrifying McDonald's Clown Baby advertising.

Then on top of my re-adjustment issues, my husband has decided it is a good idea to live apart. So, we discuss it and we agree that he should move out and I would get someone to move into the guest bedroom.

I do exactly that and he moved to his friend's house in the interim. But now he is just making me feel bad about it. He complains about the commute and the lack of sleep. He complains about having to find a place to live and moving in with strangers.

Whether he means it or not, it is manipulative and I despise it.

Sometimes I want to spend my life with him and sometimes I really think it is over and I need to move on. I am so torn and to be honest, a lot of the time very sad. I don't know what to do. Honestly, I don't know what to do and I am tired.

Maybe my problem is that I am too loyal, too much of a dreamer. Some poeple have told me to just throw in the towel and get out there and start dating and sometimes I feel that is the case but most of the time I am just sad and hope that sometime he will be happy and sure about me and even more, our relationship will be strong.

I returned to work the next day. Things were tough. Everyone just expected me to get back into the work. I am finding it so hard to get back into the swing of life after being in Kathmandu.

I just want to run away or have a break but definitely just cannot look at budgets and edit papers. It doesn't feel important to me at all.

Well, I got out of Kathmandu but just barely. My private car was arranged for 5:30 am. At 3:30 am, I received a call from the hotel telling me that the Ministry denied all hotels and some embassies their the curfew passes. They informed without the curfew pass there was little chance I would get out.

So, with that on my mind, it was impossible to go back to sleep. I laid in the darkness for the next two hours. at 4:45, I rang the front desk and they told me that a tourist coach was going to come for us at 5:30. (My flight was at 8:15)

I changed, took my bags downstairs and took a seat on a coach. The coach arrived at 5:45 am and a small group of us piled on. On all four sides of the coach hung signs that were written in Nepali and English 'Tourists Only'

As we headed out of the hotel gates, it was clear how serious the curfew ban was. On the 15-minute trip to the airport, there were about half a dozen people out on the street compared to the hundred odd soldiers and police officers that were out.

We arrived at the airport and got through security, paid our exit tariff, and finally entered the check-in queue at 7:15. We delayed by over 2 and a half hours because only two ground staff we were able to make it to work but in the end we made it. I was so relieved to make it to Doha but it was't until the flight back to London where I finally felt proper relief and cried.