Also the second reason that my head is messed up is because my dad called last night and just basically said the reason that my husband and I are getting a divorce is my fault. He wasn't that direct but that was the jist. He said, "Well, let me just tell you a few things I observed..."

1. Ylour husband wanted to have kids straight away. In fact, he was pushing for it before you got married. You have this job and you have told him that you don't want kids for a couple more years. This is a factor.

2. You have done a large amount of traveling for work and personal life and left him alone for weeks at a time. This is especially hard for someone who is feeling depressed.

3. On these trips, you are spending money. He is stressed and trying to sort the bills which can be a strain on a relaiotnship as well. (I interject at this point because he is im plying that I spend all of our money.)

So, that was my dad's nice "observations". How crap is that?! At the time, I just dismissed it, but started thinking about it this morning and it is really bothering me.

The demise of our relationship is partially my fault, but not entirely. My husband said he liked me because I am independent. So, that is my fault now?

Things are a bit of a mess in my head today. My husband, in his usual fashion, has decided that he will head f*ck me again.

Let's re-cap:
All last week, he is really affectionate. He even crawled into my bed twice and gave me peck kisses. He bought me small presents and left them on my pillow. He then one night is hugging me and says, "My friend" therefore making a point that he is doing this without the intention of getting back togehter.

We also have a big talk and he said that he was going to go to a therapist to sort out the things in his head. (Finally!) Then he went as far as to actually book an appointment for this Wednesday.

Then he goes on his "Mates" weekend with two of his friends to Amsterdam. He then calls and texts me all weekend while he is there. Surely, he is out with his friends on a fun weekend. Why is he calling and texting me?

So, that is why I am f*cked in the head today. He is sending the most mixed signals. I think I need to be better again about telling him to leave me alone. It is all or nothing. I cannot take this back and forth anymore.

Letter to a friend.

Hey,I miss you too. I wish we could climb under the comforters and watch Buffy and wish the blues away!

What can I say about Dan? It sounds like exactly the same stuff I have been going through myself. My dream life of a caring husband and kids is gone for the moment as well. It hurts and it is scary and I am thinking about starting my life all over again.

I have been analysing my relationship with my husband.

I loved him more than anything but some little voice in the back of my head said he is too unstable. When I heard the voice, I thought "that is okay, I will be the stable one".

When I thought he was too demanding, I thought "that's okay, I like to be giving".

When I thought he was selfish, I thought "but he has so many other redeeming values, it is okay".

Obviously now things are different and I am thinking that I should have listened to the little voice in my head.

Everyone needs to experience things for themselves and make their own choices, but if you think the voice in your head is telling you to end it with Dan, then I would telll you to seriously consider it.

I think that conversation you had with your mom was a really positive one. It is probably stuff that you have been thinking in a fleeting moment and then surpressing or rationalising. Listen to it and as painful as it is, dig deeper into it.

And if you decide to leave Dan - and I will support you no matter what you decide - think of it as a positiive. You get a fresh start and you didn't take it as far as me and have a divorce now.

Please know that I am not telling you to leave Dan or being bitter and telling you should leave the relationship because mine went wrong. Honestly, it is not that it at all.

I am just offering advice. Again, whatever you decide. Whatever you want to talk about. Anything, let me know.

But I understand how scary the decision is either. Scary to leave. Scary to stay.

And if you are worried about ending up alone, that is just crazy talk. You are fabulous and you ought to know that. You will find that loving husband and there will be picnics with a beer in one hand and a baby in the other. I promise.

Love you, Sweetie!

Unicef bombs the Smurfs in fund-raising campaign for ex-child

The people of Belgium have been left reeling by the first adult-only episode of the Smurfs, in which the blue-skinned cartoon characters' village is annihilated by warplanes.
The short but chilling film is the work of Unicef, the United Nations Children's Fund, and is to be broadcast on national television next week as a campaign advertisement. Full Story here.

Link to the Commercial. You need quicktime.

Don't Date Him, Girl!
Don't know if you ladies have seen this before, but it is a real site. Here you go. A listing of bad men that you should avoid dating. It is nice to know there is a potential resource.

I booked my tickets to go back to the US for Christmas. I told my husband that I was going. He commented it was a good idea and for me, I think it will be.

I asked him what he was doing. Going to your parents? Your sisters?

He said that he was going to spend his first Christmas alone. He was looking forward to it.

Is this the same guy that I have been with for six years?

I am okay, mostly.

I miss my husband and the life we had. He still lives in the house (in the guest bedroom). Tonight we have made an appointment to sit down and discuss the plan. Are we going to sell the house, rent it, etc?

I don't know what I want to do. In some ways, I feel that I should have a clean break and sell the house, but I really like it. Perhaps it would bring me some comfort? But I don't think I would feel that way if he moved out and it was just me.

I guess I need to get rid of the house and find a roommate. Clean break. That would be best for me.

Sad. I guess today I am mostly sad.