Letter to a friend.

Hey,I miss you too. I wish we could climb under the comforters and watch Buffy and wish the blues away!

What can I say about Dan? It sounds like exactly the same stuff I have been going through myself. My dream life of a caring husband and kids is gone for the moment as well. It hurts and it is scary and I am thinking about starting my life all over again.

I have been analysing my relationship with my husband.

I loved him more than anything but some little voice in the back of my head said he is too unstable. When I heard the voice, I thought "that is okay, I will be the stable one".

When I thought he was too demanding, I thought "that's okay, I like to be giving".

When I thought he was selfish, I thought "but he has so many other redeeming values, it is okay".

Obviously now things are different and I am thinking that I should have listened to the little voice in my head.

Everyone needs to experience things for themselves and make their own choices, but if you think the voice in your head is telling you to end it with Dan, then I would telll you to seriously consider it.

I think that conversation you had with your mom was a really positive one. It is probably stuff that you have been thinking in a fleeting moment and then surpressing or rationalising. Listen to it and as painful as it is, dig deeper into it.

And if you decide to leave Dan - and I will support you no matter what you decide - think of it as a positiive. You get a fresh start and you didn't take it as far as me and have a divorce now.

Please know that I am not telling you to leave Dan or being bitter and telling you should leave the relationship because mine went wrong. Honestly, it is not that it at all.

I am just offering advice. Again, whatever you decide. Whatever you want to talk about. Anything, let me know.

But I understand how scary the decision is either. Scary to leave. Scary to stay.

And if you are worried about ending up alone, that is just crazy talk. You are fabulous and you ought to know that. You will find that loving husband and there will be picnics with a beer in one hand and a baby in the other. I promise.

Love you, Sweetie!