I met two guys on the plane over to Boracay. One of them was really cute and kept talking to me. His friend was clearly not impressed and impatient. We mentioned possibly meeting up but I have not bumped intp them on the trip.

I was thinking since it was my last night that I could leave a note and ask if they want to meet for drinks. The hesitation was less about what they would think of me for leaving the note. I think it is more about what garbage is going on in my head. There has been a lot of damage done by my ex. I don't think he is a monster but he has his moments. He was the only person I had sex with for 6 years. SIX YEARS!!

Then one of the reasons that he sights for leaving is that he is not attracted to me anymore. Think about the mindfuck that was for me. So, this guy from the plane would not be a drinking partner but it is the question of whether I look them up, if there will be sex. It is not as easy for me to just go - oh, fuck it, just do it.

I don't really feel sexy. I just feel self-conscoius. Too much truth, not enough therapy, whatever it is. I am fucked.