Tonight, I went to Alisa's house. At the house was Alisa, Brian, their kids - Elizabeth, Katie, James, Naomi, her boyfriend, Craig, her friend Shery, my grandmother, my dad, auntie Becky and her new husband Bill.

It was a nice night. We joked around. We ate a big dinner. We watched old home movies. We laughed about Carrie being pregnant and having a counter when she was already seven weeks along.

We talked about how we wish Andrew was there instead of working. And people talked about you. They asked how you were and what you did for Christmas. They said how long it has been since they had seen you and made me promise next time I would bring you. I didn't have the heart to say anything. I don't know if what for them or for me that I didn't say anything but I didn't. I just couldn't.

Dad took me home and I couldn't stop hungging him. I didn't want to let him go. I wanted to just hold him for hours. I didn't want to leave his arms. I didn't want to leave the US. I wanted to stay where people hugged me.

I went in the house and sobbed. I am still crying now.

Today I had a great day with my dad. We went to the Brown bookstore and he bought some Brown merchandise. Then we went to Geoff's sandwich shop on Thayer Street. He got a corned beef sandwich. I got a Susan Farmer. Delicious!

Then we went for a long walk along the Providence River. Stopped in a cafe to get coffee. We stopped a second hand shop and he bought me a pair of pretty pink earrings.

We walked back and then drove to Tony's Fish Market and bought lobsters and Oyster Bay wine.

Then after dinner he brought me back home. It was a great day!

Christmas Eve.
How could I forget to add an entry about Christmas Eve??!

My parents split a few years ago. My dad had a major cancer scare, panicked, divorced my mom, ask my mom to get back together, was rejected, panicked again, on-line dated and then married the first woman that showed interest.

And now we are here. My father is married to a crazy, crazy Portugese woman. Did I mention crazy? I don't think it is the cultural thing, although that does add its moments of comedy.

My dad, who is an agnostic, has never surprisingly gotten on well with overly religious people. So it is fun to watch his new wife announce to everyone, "we are going to midnight mass". I look to my father to see his reaction. Nothing. He is veileed and looking to the floor.

She carries on, delighted in the fact that she has an attentive audience. "We will need to get ready as we will be leaving soon". My dad laughs, "Oh, yeah. We need to get ready. We have three hours".

She smiles. (I would say almost sinisterly) "We need to be there by 10:30". There is something calm about the way she states that. She is pleased at the reactions she will receive.

My dad really reveals his emotions now. His exaggerated face displays wide eyes and mouth. "What?!"

"Oh, yes. We will be going to church at 10:30" (pause) "Otherwise, we will not get a seat". My father begins shifting in his seat. "I am not going to church an hour and a half before mass starts".

Oh yes she says. My dad just half laughs and shakes his head. "No, I am not going to sit in church for that length of time to go to church."

This back and forth dance continues. She insists they will have to stand. He says he is willing to stand. She insists they won't get in the church. He says he will wait in the car.

She doesn't like this and the laughter it brings. She needs to raise the anty. She does it and marvelously.

She looks at the floor, tilts her head to one side and says, "When we go to mass tonight, I think I may bring my baby Jesus [doll] and have the priest bless it".

Silence.

Well, I hope that everyone had a nice Christmas. Mine was not bad.
We all opened presents. My mom bought me nice earrings and my gave me Arrested Development series three on DVD.

My brother and I hung out watching movies. I really enjoy spending time with him.

I gave my mother pearls that I bought on my trip to the Philippines and she loved them. (YAY) My brothers pitched in and bought my mom a trip to the Bahamas. It did not go down well. She started complaining that it was when she could not take time off from work and then stormed around the house making herself the martyr for disappointing her sons. AGGH! These are good lessons for me. I must remember this so that I will try to be sensitive to people who give me well intentioned, but slightly off presents.

Anyway, it was just the typical Christmas for us.

Last night, Boxing Day. My brother and I met two of his friends at a local pub. My brother has always said the owner of the pub is great and would suit me. He was gorgeous! I walked in and thought,'if my brother is picking out men that look like that for me, he can do it all he wants'.

Anyway, we didn't talk much but I thought he was really cute and conspired with my brother on ways to come back here and speak to him. :)

Cannot get Up Dharma Down out of my head.

Their sound is good and that woman has pipes!

My life is strange here. I have to say, it is bizarre. My mom and my brother are living in a tiny house. The house is filled floor to ceiling with junk. My mom keeps three of everything. Yes, she is that kind of person that you see on the documentaries on PBS. She will keep a pair of broken sunglasses for years because she spent a lot of money on them.

My brother drinks too much. He often drinks loads in one sitting. He is what people would call a functional alcoholic. He can hold down a job and is always sober at work, but he lives with his mother because he spends most of his money on going out and meeting people or drinking at home while playing video games.

My dad is remarried and does not allow my brother and stepmother together. My stepmother is a bitch and my brother accurately but inappropriately called her one. The two are separated at all times now and my dad must live a dual life. The one where he spends time with her and her family and the one where he spends time with us kids.

In only a couple days, I remember the feelings that I always had. The mixture of needing to straighten out their lives and the desire to run 3000 miles away and forget them. It shapes my future feelings and desires. What do I want to do? It changes by the minute.

What I want for Christmas. ;)

In the US, been here for a week. Thoroughly enjoying working on autopilot, eating loads and staying heavily caffeinated.

At my mom's now. My brother has headed out for his five year high school reunion leaving my mom and me alone together. dum-dum-dum.

My husband emailed me and asked me to give him the numbers I can be contacted at on Christmas so he can call me and wish me a merry christmas. I still don't understand the point of that because he doesn't want to be with me. I guess it is more for him then me. Afterall, he will be alone on Christmas.

I do feel a little bad for him.

Back from the Philippines. In the UK. I have a cold. I am a little depressed and I am so so tired. I need to pack and get some decent sleep but sadly I need to see people before I head off. Oh, well.

I am in the Uber Catholic Country of the Philippines. I have been blessed more than I can imagine. One snippet I will give you.

I am at a conference for peace. (Shock there) There is a panel representing the military, religious leaders (Bishop), civil society, etc. The section is on human rights. Someone asks the Bishop what he thinks of Gay Marriage. The bishop gives the church official line. The man next to me - Filippino - leans over and says, "Are you in support of gay marriage?" I answer, "I am". He looks shocked and said, "So, if a
woman asked you to marry her, you would say yes?" Umm...yes. I think we have a communication error.

I am checking my email in an internet cafe in Manila. It is almost dark in here and muggy. I am surrounded by teenage Filippino kids listening to hiphop and downloading videos from Youtube.com

Ahh. These are the experiences that make life rich.

Heidi

There was a typhoon here yesterday. The typhoon missed us. We had winds and rain but woke up the next morning to headlines of 468 dead. It passed us to the north so the news reports were from Islands away from ours.

Tomorrow we start all the conferences and workshops. Today we had lunch with two former and one current senator. They told us facinating stories around the People Power Revolutions. They marched for days and most of them have been jailed at one time or another. They talked about the current frustration with President Arroyo and the corruption charges that have surrounded her presidency. It was interesting and inspiring.

Tonight we are going to Ateneo University to hear bands play through an organisation called Rock ED. They do a tour of bars to raise awarenesss among young people of the targeted killings of political opponets of the government and the military. Should be interesting.

We had an evening van tour of the historic area. Sadly there isn't much left after WW2. The Japanese occupied it and the Americans liberated. Between the both of them shelling it, not much of Manila was left. (After Warsaw, it was the second most destroyed city.)

I am in the Philippines at the moment for work.

The Philippines is so strange. It struggles against keeping its identity and embracing Americas. It feels like a cultural having an identity crisis. I am enjoying the American aspects I have to say. Everyone speaks American rather than British and I was able to get iced coffees from Dunkin Donuts. Needless to say, my British colleagues are hating it. :)