I don't know if I am ready to talk about everything - especially to have it make sense. It is all so fresh, and all I feel is sad. It feels like my heart has been ripped out of my chest.

But I will try...

Things have been a bit weird since the end of January. I went away for a month to work in Sri Lanka and when I returned my husband was weird. Asking me if I wanted kids, etc.

Then more recently he has been withdrawing, and he said things like, "I don't want to wake up 20 years from now and think 'that was my life'".

His mom died shortly after his parents retired, therefore never allowing them that retirement together that they dreamed of. I think that has affected him. I think that the feeling of normality like decent jobs and a mortgage have scared him into reacting. He now thinks that he needs to do things now to change his life. Perhaps those things don't include me, I guess they don't.

He is unhappy and I cannot make him that way.

I dreaded telling my family. I thought about how they would react. How it would impact their lives and I didn't want to deal with someone else's issues on top of mine. (I just thought I don't want to deal with them and their reactions. )

Tonight, my mom came through for me when I spoke to her. She said, "just remember who you are. Just be that person". That was great. It was just wanted I wanted to hear.

I know that somewhere down the line, things will be okay again but now, everything just hurts.