Time to get down to it.

Here goes. I am currently married. My husband is British and I am American. We met and became involved in the US. We were married after being together for about 3.5 years. Things were really good. We went out all the time with our mutual friends (male and female)

Then my husband, who is a software engineer, lost his job and I was finishing grad school. We decided to move to the UK.

That is when things began to change for us. When we moved to the UK, my husband couldn't get a job. I was doing an unpaid internship. Living in London, it felt like we were tremendously poor.

To make matters worse, I moved here in the winter and the small organisation that I work with was small with people who were married and older. I found it difficult to make friends.

This situation was stressful. It was just the two of us. My husband felt that he needed to be financially and emotionally supportive of me. He felt it was too much but didn't tell me that he was unhappy and kept it inside.

Then things began to change. He got a job. I got a paid job as well. We suddenly had money to go out. He began going out with his best friend's co-workers. He didn't want me to come out with them. He stated that he needed things that were just his own.

At the same time, my job began sending me on trips out of the country for long periods of time.
This is when he had time to think. He thought about himself, me, our relationship and what he wanted from life.

Upon returning from one of my trips (in late Feb), he informed me that he was not being true to himself over the past six years. That there were aspects of his personality that I didn't like and so he hid aspects and/or repressed them in order to be the person that he felt I wanted him to be.

He became distant and cold. He spent more late nights with this group of people. He became secretive with his emails and mobile phone. He withdrew from me and now, he is no longer interested in having sex with me.

I went to a couple's therapist. She said it sounds like behavior of someone who is having an affair. He insists that he isn't but his behaviour remains the same.

He claims now that this is true personality and I need to decide if I like him not just tolerate him. He started smoking again, got a tattoo and again, remains elusive in his activities.

I don't know what to do. I know the logical part of me says run away! But part of me, the part that has loved this man intensely for 6 years, says hold on. You guys can get through this.

I don't know if he was/is having an affair, but it there are indicatve behaviour that feels that way. Regardless, the point is that I don't know if he wants to be with me anymore, but he won't be the one to end it. I think he loves me and he doesn't want the responsibility of ending it. He seems more passive aggressive these days and would like to force me into a position where I make the final decision.

I feel at such a loss as to what to do.