Went to a wedding in Ireland this weekend. It was a nice time. The weather was typical - both sunny and rainy at the same time. The wedding itself was nice as well but it was nice to meet D's friends from home. They are nice people.

The highlight for me was the Conflict BBQ. My friend, Kellie, arranged for a BBQ and discussion with people who work in various roles in Belfast on Conflict Resolution or Community Cohesion. They were all fantastic and I found what they had to say - struggles, rewards, actions, etc. - all fascinating. It was a great night!

Headaches and Stress: Alone in the Community

So, last night I had a dream where all the members of the Community were hanging out. They were going to dinner to celebrate someone in the group. I cannot remember exactly who.

I came home and D was getting dressed and C and B came over. They seemed surprised and embarassed to see me. I enquired where they were going and what they were doing. Again, embarassed and apologetic they muttered something about a party for someone and sorry about me not coming but they didn't think that I would be around so they didn't invite me. I asked delicately if they number of people celebrating was fixed and they again nervously said yes and then dashed away.

I felt really sad. Rejected. I felt like an extraneous person, or in simple terms, Billy No Mates. I think the reason I had this dream was because officially, I told D I would live with him. The fear that I have about 1.) Leaving the North and 2.) Becoming a couple and being excluded is really manifesting in my dreams.

Maybe I need to think about this and try to unpack this before I agree on a move in date? For now, I just feel sad and lonely.