"How'd it go?"

Well me, being me, has to make things difficult in my head.

Basically, my male friend was coming from Spain to visit for the weekend. The plan was for me to have sex in my room with breaks for the occassional shower and intake of food and water. But I had a birthday party for one of my best friends on Saturday night so I asked him if we could go for a couple hours. It was such a tremendous mistake.

He was brilliant. He was funny and charming. He dazzled people. There were times when I was called away and I would look across the room and he would be laughing with people. Then he was affectionate with me at the right times. Coming up to me at the bar and encircling my waist with his arm and just kissing the top of my head lightly. Not only did it make me melt but all my friends were eyeing me enviously. A catastrophe, I tell you!!

Then there was the Notting Hill Carnival. As luck would have it, it was on this weekend. It is the largest Caribbean Festival in Europe. I took a Carib man to a Caribbean Festival! It was brilliant. There was dancing in the streets to dancehall, reggae and steel drum orchestras. There was rum punch and jerk chicken and lots of sunshine. I would wink at him when men would try to dance with me. He would put his hand on the small of my back as we made it through tight crowds. We had a great time.

Then there was the sex. I won't go through all that but it was amazing. Whatever the reason, whether it is that he is Latin/Caribbean, or just multi-talented - it works!!

These are all horrible, terrible things. It made me LIKE him. I was interested in sex. That was the purpose of the weekend. Take a hot guy from Spain and have sex with him all weekend. Nada mas.

But now, AHHH! I like him and we both knew the rules of the game before we started. I don't really want a big relationship and certainly not a long distance one. He was clear that he likes me but doesn't do long distance either. He has had two bad experiences with it, so it was never going to be an option.

But last night, we went to my room and he had four hours until his flight. I wasn't going to have the talk but I couldn't help myself. I needed to say something. In my attempt to say nothing, I was literally saying nothing.

"Que piensas, dushi?" he said, and it all flooded out. I told him that I really liked him and what did this mean, if anything? He was sweet but he reiterated again what he had said previously. I don't know what I expected. I guess I just was being unreasonable. Afterall, if I don't know exactly what I want, how can I expect it from him?

So, I took him to the train at 5 am and stood on the platform kissing him. I really didn't want him to go. He joked, "See you don't want to date me anyway. You would just get a sore neck from looking up all the time". It felt strange because it was the first mention of it since the talk several hours earlier. And it felt like he was trying to bring closure with humour.

So, to answer the question, "how'd it go?" It went well, very well, and I am trying to be an appreciative and non-nuerotic mess and accept it for what it was, a really great weekend with a guy from Spain.