I am feeling really really really low at the moment. I feel like I have been coping - at various degrees - for the past year and a half. I feel like I can no longer cope. I feel like things are falling apart around me and the strength is gone for me to keep them going.

Let's review:
- My husband tells me that he doesn't think he wants to be with me any longer and sends us on a 19 month roller coaster
- My job requires excessive travel, has no structure and leaves me unsupported by my boss.
- There is a bully at work. Nice. I deal with it the best I can, and take some comfort in the fact that she bullies everyone but it is still not a great situation.
- I am living in a foreign country.
- I am in the middle of selling my flat and I have to do everything.

So, I am getting to the end and I feel like perhaps that is why I am losing it. I know that the flat sale will most likely go through in November. I will have one more 2.5 week trip in 2006. After those two major things, I can go home for two weeks and just relax with family and friends. I am finding it hard emotionally to carry on. I think 6 weeks... 6 weeks more. You can do it. But every day I have taken to crying. I can no longer sleep and if I do, I sleep excessively. AHHHHH!

Plus, this is the thing and it is the killer. I met a guy and he was really lovely and I developed a bit of a crush on him. It will go nowhere as he lives 3000 miles away and has a girlfriend, but I think that is the thing that has really pushed me into the depression.

I have been "good and strong" for too long. I am tired of it. I want to just relax. I want to have a break. I want to have someone like me. I am desperately lonely. I think that hadn't hit me before.