I just got back from a week of snowboarding in France with my sisters-in-law and their friends. It was beautiful. The weather was sunny most of the time. The people were nice and we drank red wine and ate cheese every night. HEAVEN!

I have been doing a lot of thinking about the husband situation lately. One of the major things that I was getting to with all these questions about us, and reinforced by a week away, is that I think things are over. It was one of those weeks that was brilliant and what I needed.

I went to France. I enjoyed myself. He was moody, distant, depressed. I was happy, fun, flirty. It was nice. For the first time in a LONG time, I felt like myself again. I realised that with his depression and self-absorption, he had pushed me down into the mud. I doubted everything about myself. I was unhappy with my appearance, my job, my friends, and my life. I was a mess.

You know, this really gorgeous French guy flirted with me and told me that I was funny and cute. It was the first time someone has given me "the look" in so long. It made me angry at my husband. You know? I deserve the look. But it had been gone for such a long time that I hadn't realised what I was missing out on.

So, last night, I came home from my holiday and told him that either he was "in or out". No more waiting and hoping. I couldn't take anymore. The rest of the night and today, he has been really nice and hugged me good bye and stuff, but I don't know if I am almost past it now. A year is a long time to be patient and to put your own happiness aside and it takes me telling him that I am going to leave him for him to change, it makes me resentful.

So, I am not sure. I am angry. I have told him everything I am writing here. He seems keen to work it out, but I think perhaps I have had enough. It only dawned on me - a year. A year of my life has been wasted with no affection, no appreciation, no sex. I am angry rather than sad.

Does this make sense? Do think I am being foolish? Or wrong?

His response was fair. He took responsibility for not appreciating me, when he should have, and for making me feel inferior. He recognised that because he felt inferior and depressed that he pushed me there as well. Okay, so know he recognises what he did. He also takes credit for it. But here is the big step, can he change it?

Can he appreciate me and all my qualities? Can he treat me the way that he should?

He told me that he wants to. (Good)
He told me that he wants to try. (Good)
But told me that he realises the bad behaviour, but isn't sure how to change it. (Hmmm...Fair, but still not resolved.)

I told him that at today's session with his therapist, he needs to talk to her about "tricks" for identifying when he is being controlling or negative, "tricks" for making himself appreciate the good things about me and the things I do. He said he would. Either way, he is discussing the issues I have raised yesterday with her.

But, this is the bad thing; it took me so long to find my voice. (For various reasons: too sympathetic, too much of a romantic, too self-doubting) I am afraid that now I have found my voice, it might be too late. This thought is based on the anger that I have been feeling for the past two days and I am seeing him now as weak.

This is the only thing that worries me. I am not upset with myself for not saying something before, because it is who I am, but I am thinking now it is too late???